Locus Classicus

Continuing the new obsession, I've been watching the Firefly commentaries.

David Solomon to Tim Minear, discussing the mechanic's "body art":

"I love this May-ori tribesman look, it's great, it fits his character as a surfer dude too."

It's a couple of parallel lines and a triangle. I have never seen a tattoo *less* like that of a Maori tribesman. And while NZ has some great surf beaches, ta moko and laid back, spaced out surfer dudes are two of the last images I would ever put together.

A friend asked to borrow my copy of The Nature of Alexander last night. "Are you sure you don't want something more recent?" I asked. "More academic?" "Nope," he declared. "I don't have time for footnotes. That's what's been on your bedside table for most of the last ten years, that's what I want." Well, all right then. But I'm sure it hasn't been on my bedside table since I was twenty.

Headed to Classics collection. No book. Checked smaller non-fiction shelves. Still no sign. How odd, I thought. Must be in my bedroom after all. Checked three bookcases. Nope. Checked bedside table in resigned humiliation. Nada. Rechecked all shelves. Twice. Checked kitchen and embarrassingly large cookbook collection. Zip. Checked behind and under desk. Zilch. Checked flatmate's room in utter desperation, knowing full well she only reads Patricia Cornwell and never touches my stuff. Zero.

Began to panic. Regretted having impugned Mary Renault's academic credentials. Bitterly regretted having returned book from bedside to living room. Relived Ferengi-like joy of acquisition at obtaining a first edition hard cover with full colour plates instead of today's dingy paperback. Felt like crying. Felt embarrassed at feeling like crying.

C: "Maybe you lent it to someone."

Me: "I didn't! You're lucky I was even going to lend it to *you*!"

*sudden horrified realisation*

Me: "OMG! There have been 40,000 people through here in the last fortnight! [We're selling our house.] One of them must have taken it."

Remembered warnings of paranoid relations about hiding jewellery and other small items. Walked around house like Lex in white, calling down rains of toads on my estate agent. Noticed my Homers were all missing too, and my Christopher Logue, and a dozen other things I *love*.

Rang estate agent in towering rage.

EA: "Calm down. *I* moved them. Your house looks like a library rather than anywhere ordinary people would want to live."

Me: "You made my books disappear? Do that again and I will make *you* disappear!"

Actually, I only wish I'd said that. I hate that smarmy git!

Okay, still haven't seen Alexander, and yes, still bitter. A friend with evident time on her hands (why, thank you so *much*, K!!!) linked me to the best/worst of various reviews and posts/comments, however. I soon discovered that that way madness lies, via the most egregious mangling of the English language I've ever seen, if not by rampant homophobia.

Anyone who knows me knows that I ship Alexander/Hephaistion past the point of reason and always have done, and possibly also that my OTP fervour extends to the point where I even dislike The Persian Boy, despite the fact that my childhood goddess wrote it. What drives me to comment today, however, is not the deluge of "This film is too fecking gay!!!" posts I've just waded through, but a couple of threads that actually have me more bemused.

Namely: "Alexander was a legendary womaniser!!!"; and "Alexander was every man's woman and every woman's man".

Ummmm... No. In a word, no. Not even. Not remotely.

This offends my classical historian's sensibilities (as opposed to my ingrained liberalism and human decency) *more* than the bigots weeping in the corner crying, "My hero wasn't gay! He wasn't!" Because it's so pathetically, ridiculously *wrong*. At least the homophobes can call the fact that there's no explicit evidence in their defence.

First and foremost, the second quote actually refers to Alcibiades, who *was* an equal opportunity lech, and was killed in the end by the brothers of a girl he'd seduced. It's not remotely applicable to Alexander. We can count the people (of either and neither gender) Alexander probably slept with on both hands. We can count the people we know for sure he slept with on *one* hand. The boy *didn't* get around.

"Sex and sleep remind me that I'm mortal".

To my mind one of the most telling quotes ever attributed to Alexander. Of all this man's obsessions, sex was the least. Love, yes. Affection, yes. Loyalty, camaraderie, hero worship, yes yes yes. He thrived on relationships. But sex? I'm not trying to make him out to be a monk, I can't imagine that he was. But I honestly believe he put the bulk of his massive drive into other things.

As for womanising...

He was married three times.

1) Roxana. Who incidentally was from Bactria/Sogdiana (the Afghanistan/Pakistan border), not Persia (Iran), despite the race war I saw threatening to break out on IMDB over the casting of an actress of colour.

We're told this was a case of love at first sight - that he caught her eye across a crowded room in true romance novel fashion. I'm sure she did catch *his* eye, but I'm also sure it had something to do with the fact that subduing Bactria/Sogdiana had given him far more grief than defeating Persia itself, and her father made a very useful ally in the region.

2) Stateira (Barsine)

Noone *ever* tries to pass this off as a romance. She was the daughter of the defeated Darius III, and a blatant dynastic match. Marrying her made Alexander the legitimate heir to the Achaemaenid dynasty, something which meant a lot to *him*, as well as to his new subjects. Roxana could not confer this legitimacy, because as far as the Persians were concerned she was a barbarian from a subject kingdom.

3) Parysatis

The daughter of Ochos, a previous Persian king (Darius came to the throne under murky circumstances), Alexander is said by some to have married her later on the same day as he married Stateira, in an effort to unite the royal houses. Still all about dynastic unity and stability.

Other than that, we have the *fictional* story (from the Alexander Romance, one of the world's first novels) of the Amazon Queen who felt that since she was the greatest female warrior in the world, only the greatest male warrior in the world was fit to impregnate her, and made a booty call for the purpose; and a couple of anecdotes about artists' models and the like.

Some claim also that he had an affair with a woman named Barsine (possible conflation with Stateira-Barsine above?), the widow of Memnon. I find it very unlikely that Alexander would behave so with the daughter of Artabazos, an eminent and aged friend he respected very much, but that may just be me. The evidence is inconclusive. [Or see the eminent Dr Jeanne below :-D]

To the contrary, we have the fact that he was legendary, even in his own day, for his behaviour toward captured women. A good example would be Stateira (senior), the wife of Darius and mother of his future wife. Acclaimed the most beautiful woman in Asia, the story goes that when he captured the Persian harem, courtiers exhorted him to exercise his droit du seigneur. At which he a) rebuked them for daring to suggest it; and b) refused to ever be in the same room with her. Instead he called on her *mother-in-law*, a proud old lady who became a very dear friend.

Dear God, what a womaniser! What a fiend!

As for the men... There's Hephaistion and... Anyone? No takers? No. Noone else is *ever* mentioned as a lover, in any source, even the most hostile.

And lastly, Bagoas. We don't know much about him at all, and I'll say even less, but he was there.

End of story.

Alexander had flaws certainly, and they're easy to encapsulate. Excessive drinking. A massive ego. A *very* bad temper. Satyromania was not one of them.


ETA: I just can't not talk about Hephaistion, even when I'm trying to make a different point. So I feel compelled to point out, in this essay on women, that he married Drypetis, the sister of Stateira, so that his and Alexander's sons could be cousins. Oh, and when Alexander went to see Sisygambis (Stateira senior's mother-in-law above), Hephaistion went too. It's then that the infamous "He is Alexander too" incident occurred.
I apologise if either of these points were featured in the film, but it sounds like it focused on Roxana, not Stateira.

Heh. So... Smallville Season *Three* is starting here on Saturday. They've been advertising up a storm on good ole Channel Two. Brand new episodes, exploding story lines, yay yay yay. Oh, and plenty of Lana shots, since the suits at Two seem just as enamoured as AlMiles.

My reaction? a) "new" is a curious descriptor for episodes that are over a year old, and b) *everyone* who cares has already downloaded/begged a friend to tape them.

TV2 is notorious for yanking shows that don't rate well, though who they survey is a perennial mystery since they seem to be the shows that *everyone I know* watches - actually TV3 is just as bad, they stopped playing Buffy mid way through season three, which, regardless of what happened later, I think you'll agree was a high point.

Thing is though, adults are *out* on Saturday night, guys. Even me, usually. And the kiddies don't pay your advertisers. Decent timeslot = decent ratings. But it may be a bit late when the fans you *do* have are currently downloading 4.02.

*fervently blesses the internet*

One of my favourite fallacies: after this, therefore because of it.

Here follows a list of recent events in chronological order:

1) Several Israeli citizens were wanted by the police in Australia, and by extension New Zealand, for dealing in counterfeit Australian and New Zealand passports.

2) Two Israelis were arrested, and eventually convicted, for falsely applying for a real New Zealand passport in the name of a living, though incapacitated, cerebral palsy sufferer.

3) Allegations were made that, far from being mere private criminals as they insisted, these men were in fact Mossad agents, on Israeli state business.

4) The NZ government demanded an apology from Israel for this fairly egregious invasion of sovereignty. Israel declined.

5) The NZ government cut off high level contact with Israel till the matter could be resolved.

6) Hamas praised NZ as a friend on its website. Prime Minister Helen Clark responded that her actions had nothing to do with the Israel/Palestine question, and were limited to the situation at hand.

7) Holocaust denier David Irving was invited to speak at a Press Club luncheon in NZ.

8) David Irving was automatically refused entry to NZ as he had been previously deported from a like minded country (Canada) as specified in the Immigration Act.

9) Person or persons unknown smashed the gravestones of various early settlers in the Jewish section of the historic Bolton Street Cemetery in central Wellington.

10) Person or persons unknown burnt down a chapel and knocked over many headstones in the Jewish section at Makara, the main Wellington cemetery.

11) Right thinking New Zealanders were horrified and appalled!

12) Parliament reflected the national feeling by passing a unanimous condemnation [if you think it's hard to do anything bi-partisan in the USA, try getting six parties to concur on anything] and forwarded it officially to the Israeli government.

13) David Irving decided to fuel the fires by offering a reward for information.

14) David Irving announced he intends to lauch a challenge to Immigration NZ's denial of entry, and vowed he would come and speak.

15) A letter to the editor in today's paper from a Jewish American blamed the NZ government's hysterical overreaction to the petty spy scandal for fomenting anti-semitism.

Now, my question is: Where is the causal evidence that these events are linked? Some are, plainly. But all? Why are people who should know better insisting on jumping to conclusions and making rash statements without evidence?

More than anything, I feel embarrassed today, because I know that photos of the desecrated cemeteries are winging their way around the world. I'm angry too though, because the actions of a few lone malcontents are not indicative of a nation and should not be portrayed as so being.

I'm also torn, as is often the case, on the issue of free speech. I think David Irving's a hack, and an extremely poor historian. I find his views repellent, and the uses to which they are put dangerous. But I think I'd probably go to hear him speak, if I had the opportunity, if only to do my best to tear down his argument.

The fact is, however, he wasn't denied entry on the basis of his beliefs. He was denied because he'd already been deported from Canada. And I *am* a little perturbed that we just followed the line, instead of making up our own minds. Seems like an abdication of responsibility there.

Lastly... I don't think it *is* an overreaction for our government to be annoyed about the passport thing. We're *all* annoyed about the passport thing. *I* am annoyed about the passport thing. My New Zealand passport is precious. Not because I'm a patriot, but because I'm a traveller. I travel a lot. And New Zealanders are welcome almost everywhere. We reap the benefits of our reputation. Using NZ passports for spying and illegal activities will only damage that.

A truth, perhaps not universally acknowledged, but well known to me, is that films I initially hate with the passion of a thousand supernovas improve on second viewing. And so it was with Troy. Here, then, is my time delayed, more sanguine review. I focus on themes and characterisation, but there will be some spoilers.

Overall, as a spectacle, the film succeeds magnificently. The pitched battles are breath taking, the duels, as they should be, heart breaking. If I’d known less about the source material I think I might have enjoyed it more, but my complaints are not, I believe, the wholly petty nit-picking of an Iliad purist scorned. Rather, I’m instinctually and sub-consciously aware of Troy as the centrepiece of a vast agglomeration of myth, legend, epic and tragedy. It’s the nexus for a whole cultural ideal. In that sense, I’m willing to compromise on plot, but I feel more anguished at major changes in character portrayal. I think I’m in good company – the Greeks themselves never blushed at tragedians changing the plot for effect, but they hated it when they changed the characters, see for example Orestes by Euripides, which was excoriated by Aristotle for making noble characters behave badly.

( Acting )

( Plot )

( The Redeeming Power of Heterosexual Love )

( Set Design/Costumes )

( Passage of Time )

( Characterisation )

( Allusions )

Taken as a whole then, there's a lot that I like, but also a lot that I don't, and the things that I don't like were so important in the scheme of things that they outweighed much of the good. I've seen it twice, I'll probably see it again, but above all I'm disappointed, because the flashes of brilliance show what might have been.

I just put a *big* hole in the gib (is it drywall in American?) in my bedroom. How was I to know it was *completely hollow* right there? What possessed me to pick up a hammer? One minute I was safely on the net, the next I thought "I might actually hang that picture that's been behind my door for a month." What a fool!

Do NOT, if you value your life, attempt to move a kingsize bed by yourself. I cracked up reading Lanning Cook's description of Lex and Jonathan Kent's efforts in Alliance the other day, but have just received my comeuppance. The professional movers who carried mine up here when I first moved in were on an hourly rate and set it up for me, but the delivery guys who just dropped off my new extra firm mattress with back support were on a set fee, and dumped it in my hallway.

Insert twenty minutes of vigorous exercise and heavy lifting here.

Dear god that thing weighs a tonne. My fingers are cramping, my back aches (no wonder I need an orthopaedic mattress), and it was so cumbersome that when I finally got it into my room and near the bed, I wound up underneath it, sandwiched between mattress and boxspring. I don't have the energy left now to actually make the bed, and I think I've pulled a muscle in my neck. So yeah. Don't do it.

If there's anyone out there, however, who hasn't read Alliance, go read it now. Latest installment in Identical/Divergence, and better than ever.